Thursday, November 13, 2008

An Odd Phenomenon

The down stairs at 11:00am
I have spent the last few days engrossed in learning how to use my new photo editing program (thank you Katie and Danae for hours of instruction!!!) so the house hasn't received my full attention. As a result the laundry piled up, the dishes multiplied, and the leaves in the house were nearly as plentiful as the leaves out side, not to mention I dropped Caden off at school in pajamas two days running. So today when the house was at its pinnacle of messiness and my personal appearance was reminiscent of the grunge age of the 90's, I got four visitors. From 11:00am to 1:30pm the door bell never stopped ringing. After I washed dishes, vacuumed the floor, returned scattered toys to the toy room, hauled load after load of laundry up and down the stairs, showered, curled my hair, and applied a smidgen of make up...you guessed it, not one visitor. Danae noted this odd phenomenon. When your home embarrasses you all your friends, neighbors, visiting teachers, and kids selling over priced wrapping paper are mysteriously drawn to your home. When a magazine cover could be shot in your living room not a soul can be found. What's up with that?
The house from 1:30pm on.

A moment of clarity

"Be still and know that I am God". It struck me this morning like a ton of bricks. I have been struggling with some things in my life, trying to find answers and feeling more lost then before I asked the questions. For months now I have just felt so confused. I am at a cross road in my life and I don't know which path to choose. I kept asking God to show the way he wants me to go and in response to my query He kept impressing upon my heart that He loves me, and while I found that comforting, I wanted more. I felt frustrated that God wasn't giving me all I felt I needed, wasn't guiding me in the way I wanted Him to. So I asked a good friend to give me a blessing, hoping that God would reveal His intentions for me through another source, and again the message was that I am loved.
This morning I was making breakfast like I do every day. The kids were reading stories in the background, I had the primary CD playing, and the sun was shining for the first time in days. There was this moment where I just felt complete contentment and joy. I love my life. My family is happy and healthy, I am happy and healthy. That is all I needed. In that small space of total gr attitude came the answer that had been there all along. "Be still and know that I am God".
Be still. Not a small request of me. But it was only in that moment of mental and emotional stillness that I felt more clarity then I have felt for a long time. Its interesting that you get answers when you stop badgering the Lord with questions. He gives us all we need, always. The challenge isn't getting God to answer our prayers, it is accepting the answer. In this case, I think my answer is to quiet all the turmoil inside of me. Let it go. Stop seeking answers and direction and just be still.
Know that I am God. Again, not a small feat. I know that He is God, but what I really think He is asking me to do is to trust Him. In this moment I am so grateful that I am not in charge of it all.
My life continues to move forward and my only job is to live it to the best of my ability, not to force it to take a particular direction, not to agonize over where I am in relationship to where God wants me to be. Just trust Him. No one likes a back seat driver, and I'm sure God is the same way. So when I get the inclination to say, "okay God, where are we? I am going to need to know the final destination and the route you intend to take before I can sit back and enjoy the ride" I am going to remind myself that He is the master navigator and I am just learning how to unfold the map.
So, I here I am, not really knowing where my life is going to take me but completely at peace with that. I am still. I am going to trust in the Lord and enjoy the ride.
Thank you for the blessing Brian.

Saturday, November 8, 2008

Single Mom Sundays are not for Wimps

A few weeks ago Jon had to work and I was stuck taking the kids to church alone. They were driving me nuts and since it looks bad to beat your children in the house of the Lord I gave them my camera as a distraction. The following pictures are the result.





Anyone recognize their sunday shoes?