A realization and clarification

It is 7am and my entire house slumbers. I do not because I had a midnight snack that consisted of spicy nacho cheese sauce, a liberal portion of oinons, a little avacodo, topped off with a beautiful vine ripened tomato, and now I have killer heart burn that threatens to erupt when ever I lay down. A couple of tums later and sitting up for a while and I will return to the opionon that that was the best midnight snack ever and totally worth the morning heart burn. It wasn't healthy but it was stinkin delicious!
After reading through my last blog I realized two things: 1. it was entirely too long, so sorry. When I sit down at my computer to write my fingers just start flying across the key board spilling out whatever thought happens to be in my head at that moment. I can tell that this will probably be my blogging MO. I will strive for short paragraphs colored with lots of photos and cute antedotes about being a mom to my childern and a wife to my husband, but I make no garuntees. 2. I want to clarify my position on having another baby. Its not that I'm opposed to having another child. In fact Jon and I would welcom the news that we are expecting with joy and great anticipation. It's that the baby monster lives dormant in side of me. Its funny how that monster can come to life in a second. Six years ago I was merrily skipping down a path of education and home ownership with my husband at my side feeling quite content with life. Then one day church I heard a lesson and a sentence was said that pierced my heart. A father lost his 6 year old daughter and he said that the light in his heart went out. The beast was awakened. I felt a longing to love a child that much so intensely that it was eclipsed by the fact that Jon and I were in the middle of buying our first home, we weren't done with our educational programs, and we only had student health insurance. My arms suddenly felt empty without the warm weight of a baby in them and our lives seemed so incomplete and small without the focus of a child. During that time there wasn't anything I wouldn't do to satisfy that longing. I don't feel that driving desperation this time around. I am excited to meet this spirit that I feel is bound to our family. When I reach the other side I want to look at my family and sigh with contentment that we are complete.
I love the destination of having three children, for that matter I would love four or five. I just don't enjoy the journey getting there. Well, I like the first part (wink wink). Its the same as when you go on a road trip. You go to the gas station to fill up on fuel and snacks. You pack the car with fun activities, your favorite movies, and arm yourself with a bevy of car games. But a few hours into the trip you have a tummy ache from too many peanut butter M&M's, you are no longer interested in finding license plates from other states or identifying an object in 20 questions or less, you just want to go to sleep and wake up when you get there. That's how I feel about getting and staying pregnant and navegating through pregnancies labled "high risk". There are a lot of fun moments during those nine months but there are also a lot of moments when I just want to wake up when all the drama and potential trauma is over.
Again, I will work on the photo front and try to reign in my lengthy mental ramblings.