It only takes one careless moment....

I didn't want to write this blog post. It has been nagging at me all day to the point that I got out of bed at 12:24am to finally quiet that voice of persuasion in my head. 

Today was like any other. There was a house full of children all running in and out playing in the water in the back yard, riding scooters in the front, sword fighting and wrestling around the play room, and me running around keeping everyone fed and entertained while keeping the house from looking like a tornado hit it. It was almost lunch time and I shooed the 5 older kids out of the house so that I could make lunch while feeding the baby. I put Danali in her high chair, fed her some yogurt, and got out the supplies to cut her up some strawberries, her favorite fruit of all time. The whole time she was eating I was bustling around the kitchen pulling out plates, drinks, food, and utensils and she was content to just chat away with me. After a bit though, she started getting frustrated that she could see the strawberries on the counter but I hadn't gotten around to cutting them up yet. Just as I was pulling my stool up in front of her to give her my full attention one of the kids called me out side to referee a dispute so I put a few gold fish crackers on her tray and off I went.

I was out back for several minuntes and didn't give Danali a second thought. I was having fun coming up with a game for the kids to play where they rip post it notes off one another-the post it notes had different symbols representing different super powers- to gather as many super powers as possible. I was loving hearing the powers the kids wanted represented and hearing them come up with the back story for the kingdom they were defending, what would happen to those who lost their powers, and how to figure out the supreme victor in the battle for all the magical powers in their land. It was only after I remembered the I had water boiling did I dash for the house. 

When I came through the back door, I saw Nali laying face up on the floor in front of her high chair. Not making a sound, not moving, and really all I could see for one terrifying moment were her chubby little baby legs and feet. For one half of a heart beat I was frozen, afraid that if I continued into the kitchen my whole life would change. After that half a heart beat passed, I raced over to her, scooped her up, and realized immediately that she was choking. I flipped her over and thumped her back and a huge piece of strawberry popped out of her mouth.  

When it came out she just fell against me, coughed a little, whimpered, but didn't even cry much. I kept trying to pull her away so that I could examine her, find where she was injured, make sure she was breathing okay, check her pupils, but she just buried her face in my neck and trembled a little. 

I was trembling too. From the inside out. I left my baby alone in the kitchen and I didn't strap her into her high chair. At some point while I was out side, not even thinking about her, she must have crawled out of her chair and managed to get a strawberry off the counter and into her mouth before she fell to the floor. I didn't strap her in...how could I not have strapped her in? How could I have been so careless?  I KNOW that she tries to climb on top of her tray every time she is in her high chair. I know better. How is it that I walked out of my house and forgot about my baby for several minutes while she was falling and choking? My blood runs cold every time I think about what could have happened, what would have happened if I had decided to make just one more post-it note.

I checked her over from head to toe and couldn't find any bumps or scrapes. Her eyes were dilating  evenly and after I held her for quite a while, she seemed fine and ready to eat. I put her back in the high chair, strapped her in, and tried to unload the dishwasher through tears and with trembling hands. As soon as I had a moment I locked myself away in my bedroom and fell on my knees thanking Heavenly Father for the guardian angel who watched over my sweet daughter today. I will never forget that moment; the one where her baby legs lay unnaturally still upon the floor and my heart nearly stopped with terror for what might be. It makes me realize again how precariously life is balanced. We do our best, and when that isn't enough, the Lord steps in to make up for our weaknesses and in my case today, my carelessness. Like I said, today started off like any other but it is ending with me not taking for granted even one breath taken by these precious souls. I am also ending my day with a renewed determination to not let any distraction, any bout of laziness, or misplaced sense of  invincibility keep me from taking all safety precautions with my children. So to all the mommas out there, be ever vigilant. Don't cut corners when your child's well being is at stake. And to my Heavenly Father, thank you for entrusting these cherished souls to me, I promise to do my best to return them to you in one piece.