There is no end in sight...

So I had what I believed to be my 35-36 week OB appointment tonight with the idea that I would have the baby by the end of July firmly in my mind and they moved my due date back by 10 days. 10 DAYS!!! I have been saying I'm due August 6th for the last 7 months based on the date of an early ultra sound and the first day of my last period. It all added up and no one contradicted me. Not once. They would often comment on how the due date on my chart was changed a few times but it really just wasn't discussed. TONIGHT however the doctor was very clear on the fact that I am 33 weeks and 2 days with a due date of August 16th. Are you kidding me?! I argued with what I considered solid and infallible facts but in the end, I lost. He pulled out an ultra sound that I had at 6 weeks and 4 days which he said was accurate within 3 days of telling how far along I was in the pregnancy. I lay there willing myself not to cry. I must have looked quite desperate because he did try to appease me by reassuring me that it wasn't an indicator of when I would deliver but more a measure of how long we will take firm steps towards keeping me pregnant (I am having some pre-term labor and blood pressure issues). 

I know that in the grand scheme of things 10 days isn't really a big deal but I feel like I have been pregnant FOREVER!!! I got pregnant last summer and lost the baby at the end of my first trimester. We waited two months and got pregnant again. So my body and my mind have been focused on pregnancy for over a year now. What am I an elephant?! 

I want my body back. The little alien who has co-habited with me these last 33 weeks and 2 days has reeked havoc on every part of my body. The morning sickness still hits about once a week and I have contractions if I exert the smallest amount of physical energy.   

I should point out that the baby is doing really well. She is healthy and strong and seems quite content to reside in my pelvis, contracting or not. I know that that SHOULD be the focus of this post. I SHOULD be gushing with gratitude, especially since Caden and Ella struggled to thrive during the pregnancy, but I honestly can't get over the idea that I could still be pregnant 7 weeks from now. 7 weeks! All summer- when they are predicting one of the hottest summers we've had in 5 years, when I have run out of maternity clothes weeks ago, when Caden's birthday is August 21st and my anniversary August 15th, when I have a photography business that I can't wait to get back to, when I am aching to just meet this little soul and hold her, when it is torturing my kids to hear about a baby that never seems to come...I could go on but I am getting a little closer to tears the more I write. 

It is time to put on a happy face because my sweet husband is offering me everything from a back rub to air conditioning in an attempt to console my hormonal craziness. He so wants to ease my suffering and he is so sweet and sincere that I need to reassure him that I am totally up for whatever comes, 4 weeks, 7 weeks, I'm game, but just between you and me, I AM SO NOT GAME.