Tired and sad...

On Sunday I was feeling like this- And wrote this in my journal-
Today I am feeling so blessed with kindness that it humbles and strengthens me. I have felt supported and loved by many and I appreciate it. I need the strength. I don't want to feel so leveled by this...this... invasion. I know that this trauma is a small thing in the grand scheme of life, a hiccup really, I KNOW that but I still feel so very sad about it. I know that it could have been so much worse. The thieves could have hurt my dog or vandalized my home and I can't help but think what could have happened if Jon had stayed home with Caden who wasn't feeling well. I am so grateful that my family is safe, healthy, and whole. I still feel like there is this dark cloud hanging over me though. I will be doing something and it hits me again that someone out there may have been watching my home, seen as my family finished breakfast and gathered our belongings and left for church. They know where I live. They entered the sacred space that is our home. Did they touch Danali's baby blanket that was laying on the kitchen chair? Did they step on the "Bartlett Family Goals" sheet that fell to the floor. When they stood in the stillness of my home, did their gazes linger on the family photos hanging on the wall? Did they think of the family that had just left and wondered with every sound if we had suddenly returned? What went through their minds? Were they elated at their daring for entering a space that didn't welcome them or was there a moment of hesitation?
What bothers me most as I sit here and think of those who did this to my family, I know that they are not thinking of us. I will think of them for years to come. Every time I pull out my children's baby books and there is a pang of sadness for the loss of Danali's first year, I will think of them. When I recall how the direction of my business changed, I will think of them. They will never think of me. They will never have a moment of regret. This little stint of breaking and entering will probably barely even register as a memory for them. It is so unfair. So unjust. I guess all I can do to make this whole situation a productive experience is to learn what ever lessons I can from it. Grow from it. Not allow this pain to be in vain. Find the wisdom in it. But, I will have work on that tomorrow, tonight I am just too tired and sad.